At 9 years old, an older girl threatened me until I submitted to a sexually
humiliating act. At 14, a friend’s mom filled my weekends with porn, dirty
magazines, and sordid conversations. At 16, I was violently attacked,
several times, by an ex-boyfriend. A kick to the head, a gun in my face, I
fought naked against rape.
There’s more that I won’t mention, various distressing moments. As a teen, I
attempted to cope by guzzling alcohol and ingesting drugs. I engaged in
dismal sexual encounters. I clung to uninterested boyfriends; I was
desperate for approval. I swallowed a bottle of pills to end my
life. I constantly made poor choices.
I didn’t tell my parents all I’d been through. My frustrating behavior
brought them to their wit’s end. Due to my continual defiance, they asked
me to leave home. At 17, I walked the town, applying for jobs. Men pulled
their cars alongside, hoping for a prostitute. I was taken aback and
turned them away, but the idea took seed. On a handful of occasions, I deemed
it a viable option. I discovered that my sexuality was an instant and very
lucrative resource.
At 18, I began to work as an exotic dancer. At first, it was
exhilarating. I quickly became dependent on the money and adoration.
Over time, however, the excitement wore off. I despised the
customer’s lewd comments, gestures, and pawing hands. Yet, if they rejected me,
I felt ugly.
Over the years, I had made many significant efforts towards a different
career. I earned a 4-year degree, acquired various job training,
and bought a business. Still, I continually failed to move on and stayed
in the strip club for 18 years total.
One night, I cried to God for help. Several months later, as I drove
to the club, He answered. I was listening to a sermon on CD. Through it,
I felt God asking me to quit dancing, immediately. Hands trembling, I
turned the car around. I had no idea how He planned to help me.
God led me in each step: housing, income, church, and supportive
friends. Even so, in the hard times, I fought an overwhelming temptation
to return. Christ helped me through. He is the reason I never went back
again.
